Oh my, Chiang Mai!

DSC00250It’s the hottest time of the year – summer. And I find myself not in the old familiar beaches of Cagayan de Oro City but in a green and quaint campus in a new place called Chiang Mai. No, I’m not in China. Chiang Mai is one of the biggest cities in the northern part of Thailand. It has a lot of greeneries, peaceful and accomodating Thai’s and a throng of passerby tourists who flock the city’s popular night markets. A lot of temples, a lot of elephants (okay, I haven’t seen those yet), a lot of beautiful nooks and crannies, and a lot of peculiar everyday stuff. Sure is an interesting place, and I hope my short stay here would let me take in as much of its sights, sounds and flavors as I could contain.

Check out my Chiang Mai blog: ryzagoestochiangmai.wordpress.com

Sawasdee kah! ;D

Choice

I want to say I can’t. I give up. I’m tired, I quit. But I love life, so I have no real choice but to say I can. And no matter what happens afterwards, I know there’s Someone I will always have and there’s a regret I will never have to experience.

Because I don’t want to fall apart

It’s difficult now, but it’s gonna be alright.
Lift your head high, baby, it will be just fine
When the river’s raging and the bridge
threatens to give in
That’s okay. Just wait it out
and the storm will calm down.
When things are crazier than crazy has ever been
Hold on with your last strength,
And when you have nothing left,
Lift up your voice and sing.

“You are my strength when I am weak,
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all.
Seeking you as a precious jewel,
Lord, to give up I’d be a fool,
You are my all in all.”

“You do your work the best that you can
you put one foot in front of the other
life comes in waves and makes its demands
you hold on as well as you’re able

You’ve been here for a long long time

Hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it’s been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

It’s hard to recall what blew out the flame
it’s been dark since you can remember
you talk it all through to find it a name
as days go on by without number

You’ve been here for a long long time

Hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it’s been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope”

“Trust, trust in the LORD
Lean not on your own understanding
In all, all of your ways acknowledge Him
He’ll make your paths straight.”

~I know You love me
If You are with me all the days of my life
then You must be around here somewhere
during the darker days.
Hold me in Your arms and let me
rest in your love.
I find peace.
peace.

Another Diary of a Troubled Kid: That Breakthrough Moment

It finally got through my innocent, slightly-gullible head,
that when you are too nice and accommodating,
people take advantage of you.
And it doesn’t do to believe the best in people
because most of the time,
you will just end up making their lives easy
while you bear the burden of others’ comfort.
And I learned that the world is not full of jerks,
but there are not too many angels around either.
And you got to be tough,
if you don’t want to be pushed around
even by the people you trust –
especially, by the people you trust.
the song resounds in my ears for the very first time
“they’ll take your soul if you let them.”
So now I want to learn how
to not let them.
Tomorrow, the day after that, maybe the week afterwards,
and the years to follow,
there’s gonna be a transformation.
A hardening of heart,
because in this world
pushovers fade away –
or learn to push back.

~do you hear their painful silence?

Under the rays of the morning sun, I ponder

I’m a passerby in this strange, lovely world
of queer, beautiful people –
Everyone with his color and shape and pettiness,
So lovely to behold – if you could behold deeply
Deeper than the scars and the masks and the fortresses
of cautiously built-up walls, and well-hidden
emotional landmines;
Every one with a story that has changed
him – emphasis on EVERY ONE.
That haughty face that cries itself to sleep,
That hand of an artist that wishes, for a change,
to hold someone else’s warm hand,
That beautiful shell that holds an equally beautiful heart
though not everybody thinks so,
That angry scowl which is really just hurting,
That decrepit soul with an intact spring of joy.
They all make a beautiful world –
not an all pretty, thorough, and understandable one,
but what a beautiful world!

This ironic life

I just find it quite ironic

to have a blog
and yet not able to post what I’m really thinking

to have facebook
that doesn’t completely show who I am

to live in a big house with so many nice people
and still not have someone to talk to

to have access to a tirade of social media
but unable to express myself.

In the end I ask myself,
is it because the world has gone shallow and cold
or because I could not meditate life deep enough
to cope with the world I live in?

“The Moon is a Harsh Mistress”

If I had the gift to do so, I would have loved to sing this song. Not so much for the moon to hear as for the coldness to disperse.

See her as she flies
Golden sails across the sky
Close enough to touch
But careful if you try
Though she looks as warm as gold
The moon’s a harsh mistress
The moon can be so cold

Once the sun did shine
And Lord it felt so fine
The moon a phantom rose
Through the mountains and the pine
And then the darkness fell
And the moon’s a harsh mistress
It’s hard to love her well

I fell out of her eyes
And I fell out of her heart
I fell down on my face, yes I did
And I tripped and I missed my star
And I fell and fell alone
And the moon’s a harsh mistress
The sky is made of stone

The moon’s a harsh mistress
She’s hard to call your own

Feeling every word and every line of Jimmy Webb’s evocative song as performed by Josh Groban. At least, today I am. I wonder how many others there are who, like me, feel like a Halcyon Green listening to his own heart being sung by a leucrota.

(a tinge of Camp half-blood lingo over there, though I am not a very big fan. It just happens to fit). Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/joshgroban/themoonisaharshmistress.html

Too Much Sweets Causes Diabetes

Too much of sweets can cause diabetes. Of course you know its symptoms. Right?–your wounds won’t heal quicker and everything. #MrValentine

Read that on my news feed a few minutes ago, and all I could say is “Right.” Literally and figuratively – RIGHT! 

I have a longer train of thought about that than three clauses and an exclamation point. But I’ll limit them to my journal and you can go figure your own interpretation.

By the way, there’s another quote ringing in my head at the moment  – not closely related to the first one:

(One of) the best prize(s) life can offer is the chance to work hard at a work worth doing. 

I told you it wasn’t very related, but I find it really beautiful. And yeah, the chance to give your best shot at something you really love to do is way better than chocolates and doesn’t cause diabetes. I know. I love it. 😀